Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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