I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
