he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize