sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
