I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
