you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
