you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The best revenge is premature balding
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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