Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize