there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
