I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
