The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
