So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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