I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
