I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
