Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
