just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
