I want to stick my p in your. b.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
