He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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