Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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