You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
