You made me cry and you don't even care
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
