Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
