What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
