I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
