I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Bring me that man meat
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
