I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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