Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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