if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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