I think my vagina is haunted
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
