No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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