What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
God I need to hump something, right now.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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