Swine flu. Run for my life!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
