Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
