I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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