his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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