I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
