I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
