worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
