everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
