I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize