Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
