are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
