Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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