Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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