i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
