Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Banned from zoo.
Again?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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