Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize