wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
