His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
As shirtless as possible
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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