legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
