Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
3 2 1 whiskey
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
