Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
