Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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