I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
