i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
