I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
