Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
