After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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