i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
