As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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