Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Never joke about your clitoris.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
