Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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