How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
