I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize