I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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