she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
