Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
