Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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