i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
