lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
