wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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