Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
