I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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