The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
