i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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