Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
