i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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