When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
