i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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