one might say we're banned from that church
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize