Midget sex pt 2 tonight
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
