So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
