you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
