It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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