I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
