Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
