I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I love having hate sex.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
