It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
