dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
