Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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