And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
