why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
