this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I DEMAND FORESKIN
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize