What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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