so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
