haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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