This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
