In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
