I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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