I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
