Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
