Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
