I love black thongs
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
