I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
