Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
