i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
