I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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