I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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