I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
